


History, as told by a witness

by ilien



Category: Highlander: The Series
Genre: Blasphemy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 08:17:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3112643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilien/pseuds/ilien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Methos met Jesus. He swears he did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	History, as told by a witness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cat_77](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cat_77/gifts).



> Brought to you by “How would your favourite character spend the holidays?” question in FFA, to which someone whom I may or may not know answered that Methos would troll everyone about Jesus.

“Jesus? Yeah, I knew her. She was a wise woman, but crazy like you wouldn’t believe.”

“Wise but crazy? Wait a minute, woman?”

“Yes, McLeod, life is full of paradoxes, a lot of smart people are idiots and a lot of wise people are crazy. And as for her being a woman, Christianity didn’t invent misogyny, she had to adapt.”

*

“Of course he was one of us. The Ascension was actually a quickening.”

*

“Nah, he’s made up. I mean, sure, that period was big on prophets of all kinds, it was our thing back then, so he’s based on, like, a dozen different people.”

*

“Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha – they were all the same guy. He died in middle-ages: the Inquisition beheaded him, the poor sod.”

*

“I didn’t “turn” the water into wine, no. I just replaced the jugs. Who would have thought they’d make such a huge deal out of a party trick?”

*

“His actual name was Joshua. He was kind and stupid, which is the same thing actually, and Pontius Pilate had a thing for him. In fact, Judas didn’t kill himself, Pilate had him murdered.”

*

“Immortal? No. They just bribed the guards, and took him off the cross before he actually died. It happened quite a lot back in the day, lots of people weren’t actually executed to death and lots of guards made a fortune.”

***

“What did you get this year?”

“She was a woman, and Judas was her boyfriend.”

“I got ‘He never existed in the first place.’ He’s repeating himself.”

“Among other things. Two years ago he quoted Bulgakov.”

“You just wait. Rebecca told me, after twenty years in a row he starts quoting the Bible.”

“Just a couple more years, then. Good, good.”


End file.
